I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
