Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
