i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize