i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
