The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
