You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
