Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
