So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
