You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
