She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize