if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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