I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
