did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
