I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
