Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
