lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
