I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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