So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
