the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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