You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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