you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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