Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
