Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize