I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
