Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
