Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
