they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
