i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
