why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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