A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
