I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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