My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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