And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
