Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
