The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
