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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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