Dual....:-)
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
