She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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