yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
