Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
