If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize