she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
