That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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