i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
