Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
