I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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