the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
