I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
