im holly from the hills drunk
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We had to coat check the pizza.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize