So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
