I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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