if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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