What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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