I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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