i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
