you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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