All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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