there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
