so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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