There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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