pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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