Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
