I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My dick has a subreddit
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
