Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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