I hate your face
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
