Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We have started to decorate penises.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I forget how to act sober
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