Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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