I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
