flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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