I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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