What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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