We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
