By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
